I’ve never been the girl that knew exactly how many children they wanted. I knew I wanted at least 2, because really, (sorry only children) kids love playing with other kids and siblings are the bomb. I couldn’t imagine not having my siblings in my life. So I new I wanted two, I just wasn’t sure if 2 was it or if I wanted more. My first born was a perfect, precious little girl. Then a few years later an equally precious and perfect little boy! Everyone told us “you’re so lucky! You have one of each so you can be done.” Not sure if that’s the goal for everyone, but for me I’m seriously struggling….I’m REALLY not sure I’m done.
When do you know you’re done having children?
For some women that answer is simple. They simply can’t do it again. They don’t love the pregnancy part, you know being sick and vomiting for months on end is amainzg right. You get a perfect little person at the end, and somehow our natural amnesia kicks in and two weeks later you’re declaring you’d “do it again!” After my son was born almost 2.5 year ago I told EVERYONE “Hell ya I’m done!” My last pregnancy was uncomfortable, painful and miserable. Delivery was just as bad. I knew then that I didn’t have it in me again. Plus as much as I love babies, the whole no sleeping thing is HARD AF! Especially when you have other duties like other children, and work! (awww coffee!)
So why is this decision so hard?
As my son got older, I found myself sad at the end of each phase/milestone. When he crawled, walked, talked, became a little kid, I was sad. Happy…but also sad. Was this the last time I’d see this milestone in my children? Am I really done having babies? Does this mean I need another baby?
Am I longing for my children to stay this age FOREVER or do I really want another baby?
I’m reminded everyday when I find a new wrinkle around my eyes or check for grey hairs that I’m not getting any younger. “Back in the day” child rearing years were in the 20’s, then they creeped up to the 30’s. I’m 35, almost 36 this year. I don’t want to be the OLD mom for my youngest one.
A few weeks ago I went to my OBGYN to talk about my fear of being an “old mom”. They reassured me that I’m now the AVERAGE age for childbearing. That made me feel somewhat better. (I love the brave moms in their 40’s having babies! It gives me major encouragement!) That and they agreed to schedule a c-section at 37 weeks since my babies grow HUGE and I barely can deliver them. (Have you ever heard of a baby being too big during a c-section and getting stuck? Well it happened to me!)
So I’ve given myself until the end of this year to decide. As my decision deadline gets closer, I feel more nervous and unsure of what to do! 6 more years of daycare essentially, more food, more clothes, more expenses. Cars!? College!? Vacations? Being even MORE broke! Can 5 people really sleep in a hotel room comfortably!? Flying as a family of 5 would be SO freakin expensive! You know..the important questions have come up. 😉
I’ve heard advice from our family members, and they all have their own opinion on my dilemma. Some say the “more the merrier”, others say stop at 2! “You’re kids are healthy…enjoy them and be done”. For some reason none of their ‘advice’ makes me feel better or helps our situation. None of the answers feel RIGHT!? I’ve never been so torn in all my life! Really.
So ladies, how did YOU know you were done having kids? IS there a FEELING I should have? Why do I feel so unsure, when everyone else seems to know exactly what to do?
I’d love to hear your feedback and thoughts.
How did you know how many kids you wanted to have and when did you know it was time to stop?
